Love, Sex, and Marriage

Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of Basic Needs:

Is Sex a Basic Need Like Food?

May 20, 2023

I was once invited via ZOOM to give a lecture to a select group of audience on Christian spirituality where I happened to also touch on Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Being all matured, the issue of intimate love and sex came out intensely in the discussion.

Sex is a basic need, yes. In fact, it is an existential reality that cannot be avoided. Who is not happy when that urge down there in our sacral chakra near the bottom of our alimentary canal starts to heat. I would not have been born when my parents did not give vent to their heat.

I would not have my beautiful and loving children and grandchildren who are so loving with their father and mother as well as grandparents and in-laws. Thank God, I am given that gift and blessing of having that sexual urge also.

It must be responded to. To ignore it can only mean ignoring this God’s greatest gift on us. Of course, nobody is ignoring it. Even saints and mystics do something about it. Whether single, married, divorced, separated, or widowed, the urge or itch is always there, innate in us.

Animals’ sexual heat is seasonal. Blessed are they. But this is not so with humans. Sexual urge is 24/7, aroused anytime even when we are asleep. It is triggered at the slightest provocation anywhere we are, alone or with others.

But how shall we respond to it?

Three vital influencing factors immediately confront us, namely, physical, emotional, and spiritual. I will not dwell on this. I simply presume we all know how these internal and external factors influence our decision on how to respond when confronted with situations relating to sex.

I can only say that self-satisfaction or self-gratification is unavoidable and there are many ways of doing it—

1. Masturbation

2. Meditation and yoga

3. Physical Exercises

4. Natural and organic way – also called wet dreams, and

5. Activating and raising one’s sexual energy to a higher level of vibrational level.

Masturbation only drains out one’s surplus energy and depletes our reserve energy, which we have been accumulating since birth. Doing it after three, six months, or even a year of abstinence only makes one feel confused, wasted, dead tired, down and out, uninterested in things around us, physical effects that medical doctors, sex therapists, and psychologists are telling us.

Thinking of these aftereffects alone is enough to discourage one from doing it. But this takes a great amount of will power at the beginning, especially when one is in its teenage years up to 40 years old. Thereafter, abstinence from masturbation becomes easier to manage, and its effects tremendously energizing.

Meditation and yoga are well known to all of us. It is simply quieting the mind, as Gautama Buddha showed to us 2,600 years ago. This can be spiritually enlightening and awakening too. But I well not dwell on this subject any further.

Doing exercises regularly is a great help in transmuting one’s sexual energy. I continue doing my tread mill exercises, light-weight lifting, stationary bike, all of which are in one of my rooms in the house. Wet dreams also come out naturally especially at night. But they can’t be preplanned. Nor am I interested in conditioning myself into it.

Activating and raising my sexual energy to a higher energy level is my favorite. It comes in various ways. In the 1990s, I was in direct contact with a Hindu Guru specializing on third-eye activation. He was in India and I was in my Antipolo residence here in the Philippines. There were no Zoom, Facebook, Instagram, during those times but my Guru had a special online platform where we were able to communicate with each other. I also had sessions with my Indian Gurus on activating my heart chakra. These are specialized ones and found them very effective and spiritually enriching.

But the idea of doing simultaneous activation of my eight energy centers came to mind. So, I combined all the various energy-raising techniques from various Eastern beliefs and traditions, starting from the sexual or sacral, to the navel, solar plexus, heart, throat, third eye, crown chakras, all the way up to the divine energy and bringing this divine energy back down to further boost all our energy centers, even to our ground/feet chakra to meld it with the energy of Mother Earth, the Goddess Gaia, the Mother of All Creation, from which we all sprung forth.

I once gave a lecture-workshop on this type of energy activation in class. In my experience, doing this daily can be addictive and truly life-energizing. But I don’t want to do this in class anymore, in spite of the positive feedbacks I received from my students. I would rather prefer to do it alone as my personal tool.

I am not recommending others to do this exercise alone, unless they are well-protected. For this can also be disastrous physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Be sure to have somebody who can be with you to guide you throughout the entire process. The Western type is going into aerobics (Zumbalike) and getting more commercialized. I do not recommend this, except as a physical exercise.

In my case, I do the Eastern type one hour daily at least early dawn from 4:00 am. But please don’t misunderstand me. I am not aspiring to be a saint. I am here on earth because I am not perfect. I am simply motivated by my pursuit to raise my energy level and vibration to a higher dimension beyond the fifth.

All told, which technique is most appropriate and fitting?

I don’t give judgment on which is right and wrong, moral or immoral. Conscience is not inborn in me, but simply a product of my religious upbringing, imposed on me during my seminary days, but which I have long discarded.

I am not here to convince anybody. I am just here telling a story of my own personal experience about hierarchy of human needs and how I respond to them. It could be bad or good depending on your interpretation, but it is my story.

Sex from the Cosmic Perspective

Paul J. Dejillas, Ph.D. - June 11, 2022

In its hierarchy of needs, Maslow ranks sex as one of the basic physiological needs, together with breathing, food, water, sleep, and excretion.

It goes without saying that, like all other basic physical needs, we cannot survive both as an individual and as a collective species since we cannot reproduce and multiply ourselves without sex. Sexual acts are designed by Nature primarily for reproduction for the survival and continuance of the human race.

But among animals, mating and copulation occur only during the female’s most fertile period or reproductive cycle, and the males recognize this. So, mating and copulation activities are done during this period, increasing the chances of successful impregnation. The only animals known to do sex for pleasure are the primates.

In many cultures and traditions, sexual encounter is considered sacred and a gift given to us by Nature. Through it, people participate in the act of creation. This is how we become co-creators and co-partners in the act of cosmic creation.

Yet, it is not only intended for increasing the number of human population. We need to be aware as well of the quality of our creation.

While we may be driven passionately by our orgasmic desires and may no longer have any control of our sexual behavior, we need to be conscious as well of the kind of sperm and egg cells that enter and are left in the womb of the mother’s ovary.

For we are living behind our genes and DNA that will eventually create another shape and form of human species that would mirror our image and likeness. The kind of sperm and egg cell that finally unites and ovulated in the mother’s womb will determine the nature and quality of the newly born offspring.

If we have inherited some illnesses like hypertension, diabetes, cancer, asthma, ADHD, Parkinson’s disease, amnesia, etc., we are quick to say:

“It runs in the family! My father, mother, sister, brother, grandparents, relatives, die of this disease. I cannot avoid it.”

We don’t certainly want our children and our grandchildren to say this to their loved ones. Thus, it becomes our responsibility as co-creators to be mindful as well of the quality of our creation. This is the simple input-output paradigm that we ought to learn from the Cosmos. The process may be the same, but the quantity and quality can also make the difference.

At this stage of our evolutionary progress, however, we can perhaps only be addressing the youth, or those in the 3-18 age bracket, and those who are single, separated, divorced, and widowed. Nevertheless, it’s never too late to start and begin a new cycle and a new face of humanity.

Yet, much as I would not like to resurrect the past, I am also aware that it was because of my past that I became what and who I am today. I am a product of my grandparents’ and parents’ egg and sperm cells.

They partly shape my life today and will continue to so to my children and grandchildren. Who and what my children and grandchildren are today is because of who and what I and my spouse, including our grandparents, are.

I know that this explains why some chapters of my life stories were sad, guilt-ridden, and scary, while others are blissful, happy, exciting, and entertaining. My story was a series of ups and downs, and I felt like I was riding on a roller coaster and merry go round.

Who and what I will become in the future is still uncertain and hard to predict, especially during these trying times.

Our imprints as parents will also remain on our children and grandchildren for life as they face their challenges alone or with others. I’m sure though that they are smart enough to learn from our limitations, weaknesses, errors, and mistakes. They have greater potentiality to live life that is much better than us.

Indeed, life is full of problems and challenges. Yet, we can live and enjoy it fully the way we want it to be. It’s our choice and we are also aware of the consequences of our choices. Only we, not others, can live our life. Nobody can live it for us. Only us is accountable for our life.

Life is too short. Let’s enjoy the process of creation and be happy whoever and whatever we are.

Love and Sex from the Perspective of Applied Cosmic Anthropology

March 3, 2022

Sexual relationships and practices is an essential part of ACA’s philosophy. But it views love and sex from a more holistic, universal, and cosmic perspective by scanning and knowing what people understand, believe, and teach about it.

These teachings are normally enshrined in the various beliefs of the world’s major religion and indigenous culture. I touched mainly on the following major beliefs: Hinduism; Buddhism; Chinese; Islam; Sufis, Christianity, as well as those practiced by Saints, Mystics, and Yogis.

But its practices and enjoyment are left to the discretion of the individual. The individual can apply a mixed of any or all of what the various beliefs on love and sex teach and promote.

So, as an ACAn, here’s what I learned and imbibed from them that has become part of my philosophy and teaching as well as guide for my own sexual practices?

From Hinduism

Sexual activity, in a loving and committed relationship, is not to involve harming others physically, emotionally or through neglect, e.g., caring for children.

Sex is not considered sinful but divine and an essential part of creation and procreation. It facilitates continuity, preservation of family lineage, social order, rebirth and opportunity for the souls to work for their salvation.

Both men and women have the permission to indulge in sexual acts as a part of their obligatory duties, subject to the norms prescribed for them. As a rule, students are not allowed to indulge in sexual intercourse or even the thought of it before the completion of their education.

From Judaism

Judaism doesn’t take an "anything-goes" approach to sex. Instead, sexual activity is sought to use the human libido as a tool for increasing the population and strengthening marriage. It basis its norms from the Ten Commandments that was handwritten by the Lord Yahweh on a stone tablet in Mt. Sinai and given to Moses for his people to observe.

From Buddhism

Buddhists have a precept, which is most commonly translated as "Do not indulge in sexual misconduct" or "Do not misuse sex." Sex is not sinful—after all, it teaches that there is no God to sin against. It’s simply a sign of weakness on the part of the individual to allow its precepts to influence its ways of thinking, feeling, and attitude towards sex.

But it categorically states also that its precepts are not commandments. It doesn’t subscribe to the legalistic, "just follow the rules and don't ask questions" approach to morality and ethics. Rather it pays greater attention to the individual’s degree of self-discipline and self-honesty.

Buddhism has proven to us that we can reduce our selfishness, greed, and attachments, and that we can cultivate loving kindness and compassion. In doing so, we can increase the amount of good in the world.

It teaches us that a person who remains in the grip of self-centered views and who has little compassion in his heart is not a moral person, no matter how many rules he or she follows. Such a person always finds a way to bend the rules to disregard and exploit others.

In general, Buddhism teaches us to avoid extremes and to find a middle way, now known to us as the eight-fold path, namely: (1) right view; (2) right intention; (3) right speech; (4) right action; (5) right livelihood; (6) right effort; (7) right mindfulness; and right concentration.

Gautama Buddha said, "be a refuge unto yourself." He taught his followers to use their own judgment when it comes to religious and moral teachings.

From the Chinese

Although Yin-yang is used as a universal concept in the Chinese philosophy, it has some relations to love and sex. Yin in Chinese medicine refers to all those aspects of the body that are moistening and cooling.

Yan describes the body's functions that are warming and activating. Yin is what makes us want to receive sexual energy from another person and yang is what makes us want to initiate sex with our partner.

The yang partner offers yang energy in exchange for yin, and the yin partner receives yang and gives back yin energy. In this mode of love and sex, the two become intimately one.

From Islam

Islam considers sexual partners as garments to each other for procreation. Such creative act has to be done in the spirit of love where each partner is out to satisfy the other.

This is because being united for a common purpose, they are "garments" to each other, meaning that they trust each other, protect each other, and hide each other’s flaws.

In the concrete, it means committing and promising each other to commit themselves to chastity, self-respect, and saving each other from outward harm.

From Sufism

Sufism is a broader type of Islamic worship that transcends religious beliefs, by directing its disciples’ and followers' attention inward. In many ways, it is holistic, universal, and cosmic in its perspective and approach to viewing reality, an orientation which is also found in Hinduism, Buddhism, Confucianism, Christianity, and several indigenous beliefs across the globe.

Its main teachings are as follows:

* There is only one God.

* All people are the children of God.

* To love one's fellow men is to love God.

* Different religions are different ways to reach God.

* Devotional music is one way of coming nearer to God.

* Fasts and rituals are not essential to reach God.

From the Saints, Mystics, and Yogis (SMY)

Having exposed to their rituals and practices, I have likewise discovered that the sexual energy that is building up inside me can be transformed when I refrain from releasing or ejaculating it physically. It takes several relentless efforts, time, and practice to discover and experience that, once the urge is allowed to rise and build up, it can lead us to a higher level of spirituality.

Anyway, it bodes me well to realize also that my spirituality has influenced my sexual thoughts, feelings, and psychosocial relations once I connect my physical urges to my eight energy centers or chakras. Indeed, I can feel my physical and spiritual aspirations merging as one such that there is no more distinction and differences between the two.

Such an experience comes with the help of some rituals for it can easily vanish along the process of sexual transmutation. To maintain awareness and alertness on its influence on my entire being, I utilize some rituals, which I also learned and experienced from other religious denominations. For example, burning candles and focusing on the light, burning incense to be continually mindful of its aroma, reciting mantras and rosaries, or the process of exhaling and inhaling.

From Christianity

The Christian belief and practices on love and sex is quite complicated for me to follow. Although I was brought up and trained as a Catholic, I cannot even dare practice what its doctrines on love and sex teach. They are just too complicated and many times they differ, even contradict with each other.

There are just too many denominations to understand where their beliefs and practices really meet. The Universal Christian Churches has also so many traditions—Roman, Byzantine, Egyptian, Armenian, Coptic, Gnostic, New Age, etc. They have their own unique and distinct teachings about the philosophy and practice of sex.

Also, the Philippine soil has given so many Christian denominations that are continually gaining millions of memberships across the globe. The major ones are led by Apollo Quiboloy, Felix Manalo, Eli Soriano, and Mike Velarde. They have their own unique and distinct teachings about the philosophy and practice of sex that are influencing the world’s population.

When it comes to love and sex, I am more of an unbeliever Christian, less of a Christian practitioner, and more a follower of the SMYs, Hindus, Chinese, Buddhists, Islam, and Sufis.

Sorry, my Catholic kindred. But I do not condemn our teachings on sex. While we are all (lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transsexuals) created in the likeness and image of God, we have that tendency to commit evil, sin, errors, mistakes, be it because of commission or omission, ignorance or unbelief. That’s the reason that I find it more meaningful to turn to other religious beliefs.

My Personal Views

The various religious worldviews on love and sex is now influencing the lives of many people around the world. Competing for love and compassion for the greater glory of the Lord God Almighty (AMDG) is, of course, admirable.

Many, nevertheless, now know that the issue of love and sexuality today has become moral and ethical. It has become the driving force for many individuals and leaders to commit evil against humanity, building up nuclear arms, invading other countries, ready to kill even innocent children and women as well as the poor and disabled.

To a large extent, it has become political, economic, business, social, ecological, and racial. This is something that has to be addressed to by the host countries and the international migrants coming from other countries. Nevertheless, this has given opportunities for all peace-loving countries to unite in defense of the weak and the most aggrieved party.

In the meantime, I can state here that ACA, as I understand and envision it, encourages us to enjoy sex. As I always said in my class, it’s one way of enjoying life. Maslow’s hierarchy of values states that sex and companionship are as basic as food, drinks, and shelter. House, food, and drinks are just the right conditions conducive to having and enjoying sex, whether in private or public.

Without sex, without that urge, desire, and passion for sex, I would not have been born here on Earth and I would not have become who and what I am today.

See you all Folks after covid and enjoy life, while staying protected and safe.

P.S.

I thought the question of that Lady can only be given in a few words or paragraphs. I’ll be careful of answering questions next time. But I also wanted to demonstrate to my FB friends and students across the universe what it means to be an ACAn when it comes to its philosophy and practice of love and sex.

I always do this in class on many other topics, like politics, governance, leadership, science, technology, religion, economy, social order, and many more.

I wish you can all enroll at ASI this coming semester for SY 2022-23. I would be willing to assist and help you.

Does Love Die or Does it Last Forever?

February 15, 2022

My mission as an ACA believer as well as an academician and educator is always to help others expand or broaden their awareness on issues and events confronting us daily. I neither wish to judge them wrong nor declare myself the sole possessor of truth.

In this respect, I do not wish to convert people. You can stay where you are, holding on to your beliefs, while maybe learning from others, in the same manner that others may be learning from you.

So, first, let's define what love is from various beliefs and perspectives.

According to the Christian bible: "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out." (1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NLT).

But this is where the issue becomes tricky and controversial today. The bible states further that: "Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."

Patience, kindness, jealousy, pride, and rudeness have their level of tolerance. In some circumstances, we can be impatient, for example, when we are in a long line waiting to be served and we are in a hurry, catching up with our next schedule.

We can be so unkind when people become so dependent on us that they now depend all their needs on us for life, people who are like parasites licking our blood until we die.

Jealousy may be a sign of love. We can be elastic in our level of tolerance. But when people abuse us, we can also react unkindly, rudely, and even violently.

Contemporary science says that love lasts only about three years. Because of this, even Christians allow both moral and legal separation in their respective Canon Laws. Many governments legalize divorce and even prohibit them or one of them to come close to some kilometers to each other.

In some instances, couples simply agree among themselves to separate freely and unconditionally. Others, for various reasons, specify some conditions and have it written and notarized as prenuptial agreements. Love or not, only the engaged couple knows.

So, from whatever perspective we view the subject, love is not lasting. The societal system recognizes, tolerates, and even advocates it. Religion acknowledges and tolerates it.

But many marriages are also born out of deep love. As life goes on, couples learn from each other's weaknesses and limitations. Learning from science and religion, they make efforts to understand and correct each other's faults and mistakes as well as give space and time to each other.

Happy Valentines

February 14, 2022

l shot an arrow into the sky. It fell on earth, I know not where. Three laws operate here, namely:

(1) Classical laws of gravity of Newton;

(2) Special theory of space-time curvature of Einstein; &

(3) The Uncertainly Principle of Schrodinger

Gravity applies to planets. They stay where they are. Never too far never too close. Otherwise, too close, they bump into each other and explode. Too far, they tend to fly away and look for other planet or planets.

Each person must give enough space and elbow room. If you cannot give enough space and time to the other then you don't trust your spouse. allow your spouse to go out at night anywhere she or he likes.

If you don't, then you don't trust him or her. You want all her or his time by yourself. Love? Or possessiveness? Jealousy?

Are you sure or uncertain of your love?

Gee, I rest my case.

Life is Nothing Without Love

Paul J. Dejillas, Ph.D. – September 11, 2021

In Latin, it is said that: "Sine amore nihil est vita" or "Life is nothing without love." But what is love?

According to the Holy Scripture: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth." ~ 1 Corinthians 13. 1.

This must have inspired Barbara Streisand in the 1970 movie "Love Story" to say: "Love means never having to say you're sorry."

Is this really so? Let me share my thoughts in this page.

Does Love Die or Does it Last Forever?

Paul J. Dejillas, Ph.D. February 16, 2022

My mission as an academician and educator is always to help others expand or broaden their awareness on issues and events confronting us daily. I neither wish to judge them wrong nor declare myself the sole possessor of truth.